Is “The Happiest Baby On The Block” the Most Oppressed? Why I’m Not a Fan of The “5 S” Method of Calming Crying Babies

Cry Baby

Is it just possible that the Happiest Baby On The Block is the most oppressed? If a parent responds to a baby’s cries as Doctor Harvey Karp suggests, from her earliest moments, the baby may be getting the message that her cries won’t be tolerated or taken seriously. I know this is absolutely the last message in the world that loving, caring parents intend to send to their babies, which is why I have a difficult time tolerating it when professionals package and sell programs to unsuspecting and vulnerable parents who only want to understand and offer comfort to their babies.

Consider: What messages might a baby be receiving if we respond to their cries in the way Doctor Harvey Karp demonstrates in this video?

 

 

https://youtube.com/watch?v=guRi6zyFHtwframeborder%3D0allowfullscreen

 

Doctor Karp teaches new parents to “recreate the conditions of the womb” in order to comfort and quiet babies through using a method he refers to as the “5 S’s“:

  • Tight Swaddling: Karp says, “Tight swaddling provides the continuous touching and support your baby is used to experiencing within the womb.”  ( I don’t recommend tight swaddling because I believe babies need and deserve to be free to move their arms and legs, which is one of the ways they discharge energy. Additionally, tight swaddling can cause or aggravate existing hip problems. A better alternative is a sleep sack.)
  • Side/stomach position: “The infant is placed on their left side to assist in digestion, or on their stomach to provide reassuring support. “But never use the stomach position for putting your baby to sleep,” cautions Karp. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is linked to stomach-down sleep positions. When a baby is in a stomach down position do not leave them even for a moment.” ( I’ve written about the drawbacks of  placing  babies on their stomachs before they can move into this position independently. It’s not worth the risk to your baby’s health, development, or safety to place her into a side or stomach position  in the hopes that it will stop her crying.)
  • Shushing sounds: “These imitate the continual whooshing sound made by the blood flowing through arteries near the womb.” ( I don’t believe loudly shushing a baby sends the message that I’m present, available, and listening.)
  • Swinging: Newborns are used to the swinging motions within their mother’s womb, so entering the gravity driven world of the outside is like a sailor adapting to land after nine months at sea. “It’s disorienting and unnatural,” says Karp. Rocking, car rides, and other swinging movements all can help. ( Babies quickly get used to and become dependent on rocking, car rides, bouncing, or swinging to lull them and to put them to sleep, and then come to need these things. I believe it best to comfort babies with a minimum amount of movement. Rocking, swaying, or walking with a crying baby is often comforting for the adult, but I’d avoid taking the baby for car rides in the hopes of quieting them. Magda Gerber suggested, “All the many forms of what we call comforting, bouncing a child on one’s knee or rocking her in a rocking chair, often express our own nervous energy and frustration when confronted with a crying baby.”)
  • Sucking: “Sucking has its effects deep within the nervous system,” notes Karp, “and triggers the calming reflex and releases natural chemicals within the brain.” (It’s true that babies derive comfort from sucking, but they find their hands or thumbs quickly when given an opportunity.)

Karp suggests using these “techniques” in the first weeks and months of a baby’s life, and all at once! I don’t know about you, but I didn’t observe that baby Maya was comforted by  having the “5 S’s” administered. To my eyes, she appeared to be shocked into silence. Not only that, but she was being “handled” and manipulated as if she was an object, not a human being. In fact, when I viewed the video for the first time, I didn’t realize that Doctor Karp was “using” an actual baby to “demonstrate” his method- I thought he was shaking a doll. I heard Janet Lansbury’s gentle admonishment, “If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to your baby. In fact, don’t do things to your babydo things with your baby.”

Even more upsetting and insulting, Maya is being talked about as if she’s not there, as Karp goes on to advise the trusting mom how to “trick” her baby into holding onto the pacifier, by “pretending” to pull it away from her. When he asks Mom if Maya might be hungry, and the reply is “Yes,” he allows that it’s natural for Maya to be fussy, and “If you were at home and not doing a little class, you’d feed her.”  So- the baby is expressing a need, and the mother is understanding the baby’s communication, and the good doctor advises the mom to ignore her baby’s communication in the interest of continuing to demonstrate how well his calming technique works- for the cameras and all the world to see.

Again I ask, what message is Maya receiving? Wouldn’t it be better to help mom and baby to build their relationship by encouraging mom to listen, respond to, and honor Maya’s expressed need to eat? I would have been less incensed had Dr. Karp at least acknowledged or talked to the baby about what was happening. The infant was completely left out of the equation here.

Another difficulty I have with programs like Dr. Karp’s, which are meant to teach parents to “magically” stop a baby’s crying, is that they set up unrealistic expectations for parents. All soothing “strategies” may work some of the time, but nothing works all of the time.

This should not be a surprise; after all, babies are not machines, and do not act like machines. The problem is, of course, that programs that claim to be successful, especially when you “do it right,” can raise expectations that you should be able to soothe your infant. Then, if you can’t, and the infant continues to cry, you can feel even worse than you felt from the crying alone, because you have now “failed” somehow. The saddest thing is to hear about parents who say, even when they have done all the things they were promised would work, but their baby keeps crying, “I feel like such a failure.” Ronald G. Barr, MDCM, FRCP(C)

 

“Many babies cry a lot during the first weeks, even the first three months. There can be several reasons; most likely the premature organism does not yet function smoothly and babies have to learn to adapt to a very different life from the one that they were accustomed to in the womb.” Magda Gerber

I believe babies (even the most fragile) are up to the challenge of adapting, thriving, and participating in their own process when given a bit of gentle, calm support. Every effort should be made to understand and respond sensitively to a baby’s cry (which I see as communication), but I do not believe that we should try to (or need to) artificially recreate the conditions of the womb in order to quiet a crying baby.

In fact, quieting a crying baby should never be the goal. I suggest taking a deep breath, slowing and calming yourself before responding. Listen and try to understand why the baby is crying. You might say, “I hear you crying. I wonder what you might be saying?” If there is a need that can be met, like hunger, or the need for sleep, then it makes sense to respond by meeting the need. If baby is crying, and you can’t discern an obvious reason, then it can be helpful to reduce stimulation to a minimum, and just gently hold him, or lie her down. Skin to skin contact, gently swaying your body while cuddling baby in your arms, talking softly or quietly humming a song, may comfort your baby (or maybe it comforts you), but sometimes, you may find that nothing you do has a calming effect.

What is important for all parents to understand (but especially new parents),  is that it is normal and natural for babies to cry. In fact, this is what is sometimes referred to as The Period of PURPLE Crying which “begins at about 2 weeks of age and continues until about 3-4 months. There are common characteristics of this phase, or period, which are described by the acronym PURPLE. All babies go through this Period; it is just that during this time some can cry a lot, some far less, but they all do go through it,” writes Marilyn Barr, Founder/Executive Director, NCSBS

I want to help all adults and new parents to understand that each day, newborn babies mature and “settle” a bit more, and that from the very beginning, babies are learning about themselves, about us, and about their world through their interactions with us. Babies are dependent on adults to meet their needs, but this doesn’t mean that they are not conscious human beings. Babies deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and as partners in relationship from their very first moments.

I’m passionate about helping new parents to understand their babies’ cries, and encouraging them to feel confident in responding in ways that will strengthen and build the relationship and communication between them and their baby. To that end, I’m offering some further resources here, and as always, I welcome all questions and comments.

Period of Purple Crying, A New Way To Understand Your Baby’s Crying

What Is All That Crying About?  Ronald G. Barr, MDCM, FRCPC

The Truth About Infant Self Soothing Janet Lansbury

7 Reasons To Calm Down About Babies Crying Janet Lansbury

The Secret Language of Babies Janet Lansbury

It’s Okay to Let Your Baby Cry Gracelings

Babies and Crying: What’s a parent to do? Lisa Sunbury

Soothing Your Baby the Calms Way Parenting With Love

126 thoughts on “Is “The Happiest Baby On The Block” the Most Oppressed? Why I’m Not a Fan of The “5 S” Method of Calming Crying Babies”

  1. I actually agree that my rocking is all too often my own nervous tension! I had started to think that (baby 3). Thanks for the important info lisa! And yes, controversial.

    1. Dear Sarah,

      Yes, controversial! But I think an important conversation to have. What a wonderful self observation you’ve made. You know, I think that if it helps you to feel calmer, rocking may not be a bad thing, because if you feel more peaceful, your baby feels that too. It’s all about the relationship you are developing with your baby, and there are two of you in the relationship.

  2. Lisa, I’m so glad you wrote this.

    I understand the desperation parents feel when babies cry… I’ve BEEN there. But Dr. Karp’s way is not the answer. Even if we believe that babies need a simulation of the womb, this makes no sense…. Do womb sounds suddenly turn on and off? Do they go from zero to deafening? I worry about the baby’s eardrums, among a lot of other things.

    I understand that parents use gentler versions of this, but here is the inventor demonstrating his method! The baby in the video looks so frightened, but Karp seems to have no clue. He sees no person there…

    I ask with all seriousness.. How can this be compatible with “gentle parenting”?

    1. Janet,

      It’s interesting that you bring up the womb sounds. NPR recently did a story about a study that supposedly showed the 5S’s worked to calm babies better than sugar water after they had received a vaccination. In the comment section, a pediatrician replied who had this to say about sounds in the womb:

      Dear NPR
      The article on the 5 S’s soothing technique was interesting, but Dr. Karp has misinterpreted the sounds that are present in the womb. The shooshing sound he made as mimicking aretrial flow was actually mimicking the sound or a doppler flow monitoring machine which transforms the velocity detected into a sound volume and frequency. Arterial flow is actually silent when the vessels are normal. This is because normal arterial blood flow is laminar and sound from blood flow or any fluid flow is only produced when flow is non-laminar, creating “eddies”, which produce friction and sounds. The frequency/ies of the sound are related to the rotational frequencies of the eddies. There may be other sounds in the womb, but none from arterial flow. Just put a stethoscope over your radial artery. Normal ones are silent. The only sound one hears with a stethoscope over the uterus is the heart beat, which comes form the valves closing. Doesn’t mean “shooshing” isn’t a good technique though!
      J. Philip Saul, MD
      Professor of Pediatrics
      Chief, Pediatric Cardiology
      Medical University of South Carolina
      Charleston, SC

      I don’t think we know exactly what a baby’s experience is in the womb, but once a baby is born, there is no going back! I think that rather than try to recreate the conditions of the womb, maybe we should gently help the baby to adjust to being here in the world. I don’t agree with Dr. Karp or with (Doctor Saul), that loudly shooshing in a baby’s ear is a good technique. My guess is that it is jarring and overwhelming to the baby, and causes her to shut down, especially when used together with the other 4 S’s. That being said, white noise machines do seem to be helpful to mask environmental noise, and I know many families who swear by them for helping to create a peaceful sleeping environment, but again, this is very different than holding one’s mouth to a baby’s ear and making a loud sound, and the machine also provides a constant noise. My guess is that if a family chooses to use a white noise machine it becomes a part of the baby’s routine and serves as a sleep “cue”.

  3. As with any “solution-method”, an educated mother should consider all techniques as suspect until researched. In an effort to soothe my colicky son in 2009 I did rent Karp’s video from the library. My son was breast-fed 21 mo, on demand , and whilst I can’t say that I 100 percent approve of any one method for every child, his method did soothe my milk ( cow-protien) allergic son. I used the method in a modified manner for 2-3months and it worked like a charm. Now with my second child, some off the techniques I use, some I do not; I am a firm believer in taking what you can use and leaving the rest. I usually enjoy the views expressed here and I don’t see any part of the review expressing the fact that all babies are different in personality and response, beyond their basic needs being met. It is never all or nothing when a mother is researching options to soothe her child. I would like to see you take this into account. I’m “put-off” by this review and I hope to read well-rounded articles in the future.

    1. Kara,

      I appreciate your response, and I thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you are “put off” by my review, but I’m not sure how I could make this post more well rounded? Not only did I offer a summary of Doctor Karp’s method (in his own words), I offered a video demonstration, and a link to Doctor Karp’s site. I also offered my own thoughts regarding Dr. Karp’s recommendations, and links to other articles and sites that contain useful information and food for thought. I trust people to take what they like and leave the rest, and in all cases, my goal is to encourage parents to look to and listen to their babies for clues as to how to respond. It’s true every baby is different, and different things may comfort (or not), but that’s what I want to encourage parents to find out, before applying a method like the 5 S’s. “Who are you little baby, and what are you saying to me?”

  4. For one thing, why in the world is making a loud shhhhhh-ING sound right into the babies ear ok?! Why do people think that babies wouldn’t find this offensive?

  5. The video made me feel very sad for the baby. The way he shushed in her ear like that. that would annoy any human of any age.

  6. I used to shush to my 1st which always helped, my 2nd doesn’t listen to sushing so that depends on the baby.
    Swadling I think is only for babies who wake themselfs up,my 1st son used to sleep with his arms up in the air and when he fel asleep they fel down which used to wake him up, we tried swadling didn’t work it upset him more than that it calmed him down. I let him sleep on my chest which calmed him down.
    The rocking I find that a little bit to rough from what I saw,I much prefer gentle rocking, the best you can do is just cary the baby with you in a baby carrier, make sure it a good one,or use a cloth to tie it against your body, the best for bonding and soothing is skin to skin.
    I am a bit sceptical against these things specially when man tell women what to do with their babies, we have carried the child for 9mnths, and when it’s born it all comes down to your own instincts and nature,cause at the end of the day every child is different so you need to try a different approach.

  7. I did NOT feel comfortable watching the video. I thought it was helpful for my husband, a baby care novice, to see it. I also think the book was worth the read.

    I do agree that the doctor could have talked TO the baby and not to his parents or the camera. In the long form of the movie by the same title, I do think he appreciates the child individually.

    I also think he generalizes what all babies want. My children did want swaddles, did like soothing sounds of Shh, sucking on their thumbs or binks to self soothe – and they were able to do this on their own fairly early, and also liked being bounced on an exercise ball. I did talk to my baby as I did these things, suggesting that this might be a good way for them to calm, asking if it was, and it was apparent in their responses when it was not a welcome thing.

    Simply saying, “Sshshshshs” doesn’t mean “shush, I don’t want to hear you” its mimicking a familiar sound that also happens to sound the same as a word in our language.

    Please don’t write off the fact that he is trying to help new, frustrated, and inexperienced parents. I think most parents don’t start off in an RIE focus, but gaining confidence in parenting can help them seek additional parenting ideas. I think this man does a great thing by encouraging parents to not feel helpless and to get in tune with their baby.

    This article did make me think, so I do appreciate it, but Lisa, I have come to respect you a bit more than this article leads me to this morning, because I think its a bit sensationalized. I think you vilify this man, instead of appreciating that he wants to help new parents and wants babies to feel comforted and not upset or uncomfortable. I think his intentions are good.

    1. Bethany,

      Thank you for your comments. I want to be clear I’m not trying to vilify anyone or present anything in a sensational way. In fact, it is my goal to help new and inexperienced parents to feel more confident, and to trust themselves and their babies. I also care about babies feeling comforted. I have supported many parents and babies through the Period of Purple Crying, and I am offering parents information and resources that will help them to understand their baby’s cries, and respond in gentle, respectful ways. I am offering a point of view and an approach that is a bit different from Doctor Karp’s, and other mainstream media, but one that is well researched and time tested. Might I add that I’m offering this information free of charge? I am not seeking celebrity endorsements, claiming I have a magical solution or cure, nor am I selling books and videos to parents. I believe parents and babies deserve better support and information than what Karp is offering. I don’t see how Doctor Karp’s methods help parents get in tune with their baby. I’ve read his books, and his web site, and I’ve watched his videos. Nowhere does he write about or demonstrate observing or talking to a baby- which is one of the easiest ways for parents to come to know and tune into their babies. I believe parents are being sold a bill of goods when someone claims to have found the solution to crying, and I believe this sets parents up for further stress, and disillusionment, and possibly sets up the conditions for the parents to feel frustration and failure if the baby doesn’t respond as promised, which can then lead to abuse. RIE is all about helping new parents to feel calm and confident, about helping parents to become the experts on their own child, and about balance and mutual adaptation between baby and parent. I’d like to see all parents everywhere at least have access to and consider what Magda Gerber had to say about how to approach crying, because I believe her approach is truly empowering and comforting to both baby and parents, and that is the spirit in which I offer this information.

  8. This was a very hard post for me to read. Why? Because I had preterm twins who cried so much that I was desperate to find them some relief. Doctors labeled it “colic”, the chiropractor told me to find them someone to do craniosacral therapy. None of it worked, but perhaps all of it helped. I tried Karp’s 5 Ss inasmuch as I read them in list form and tried some. I didn’t have the time or drive to read the whole book I was gifted… I was nursing my boys on cue, and it was the ONLY thing that soothed them. I do not like the way the doctor treated the baby in the video, and I am now (older, wiser, better educated) jaded by the amount of “expert” advice I’ve slogged through in a quest to understand my children’s needs.

    I guess what I’m trying to convey is that I’ve found myself to be a gentle parent, and I’m feeling a little ashamed I was hoodwinked by some of these baby “training” methods.

    1. I believe all parents do the very best they can, and there is no guilt or shame in doing your best to respond to your crying baby. It can help new and inexperienced parents to have access to information and support though, because you don’t know what you don’t know! I’d like parents to feel comfortable and confident looking to and listening to themselves and their babies for answers, as opposed to looking to “experts” for “techniques” and solutions. The most important thing parents are doing is developing a relationship with their child. I think maybe a good way to do that, and for professionals to help parents to do that, is to share information about what others have experienced, about what research says is “typical”, and most importantly, to help parents learn to tune in and look to their babies for clues.

  9. I will admit in one desperate moment, I tried Karp’s method of quieting my then one month old. I can quickly say how ashamed and appalled I was at myself when my poor son just seemed to shut down under the conditions, I wasn’t meeting his needs- I was quieting him for my own gain! I am thankful that even in desperation, I had enough sense to discern that if quieting my child was the object, it was quickly obtained but at the detrimental cost of ignoring my child and silencing his only way to communicate.

    Fantastic blog post, thank you for validating my own instinct!

    1. Jill,

      Thank you for your comment. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. A baby’s cry is meant to elicit a response, and it can be SO hard to listen to, and so frustrating when you feel you’ve done everything, but the crying goes on. In our society, parents (especially mothers) get very strong messages that it is up to them to stop the crying, and if they “just do it right”, they should be able to calm and quiet their baby. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping people to understand that sometimes- babies just cry, and need to cry, and should be allowed to cry, and all there is to do is to allow it. In a very unscientific poll I conducted on my facebook page recently, I asked moms to share if they’d had a baby with colic (which just means intense, long periods of crying, not easily soothed, and without a discernible cause), and if so, what helped them get through it, and what they wished they had known at the time it was happening, and each and every one who responded said they wished someone had told them that it wasn’t something they were doing wrong, and that it would end of its own accord. They also said it helped to take breaks, and some said they wished they had known that too- that they weren’t bad or neglectful mothers if they needed to walk away sometimes. I am so glad that you listened to your baby, and followed your instincts. That’s what I hope to empower all parents to do!

  10. When I was 3 weeks post-partum and feeling quite desperate, I watched Happiest Baby on the Block and cried, because someone was actually giving me specific and doable things that I could DO and often they WORKED. And I think that’s the issue: this is what new parents are pointed to in terms of resources, and after reading what you wrote, I wish I had been pointed to something else. What do you recommend in terms of triage tools for parents who are exhausted and desperate and need to feel some relief from the crying?? I love what you say about us coping with our own nervousness and stress about babies crying, and I wish that our culture had more understanding and tolerance and acceptance of crying (baby and adult!!). And I agree that much of the stress comes from thinking that a crying baby is an indictment of bad parenting. I certainly felt that way.

    As a parent who used the 5 S’s, I just want to make some space for other people who did and read this and feel guilty. Most parents have been to the place where they feel desperate. And I think that in those moments, if they do some shushing and swaddling and it brings them back to a place where they can cope again, I’m okay with that. New parents feel crazy sometimes and they need tools to bring the crying down so they can find their sanity again. I’d love to know what would you would recommend for when parents are in that desperate place and need tools for triage.

    1. Thank you Honest Mom! I appreciate your comment, and I hope that no one will feel judged or guilty for doing their best to respond to their crying baby in the best way they know how. I also agree that if rocking, or swaddling a baby (for instance) seems to calm or comfort him and brings some peace to a desperate parent, then they should go for it! More peaceful, less anxious parents tend to lead to more peaceful, less anxious babies.

      I so want this post to be a resource for parents, to allow them to feel confident and more empowered when facing the challenge of coping with and responding to their babies’crying. Studies have shown that when parents receive information about what to expect in terms of crying, this alone reduces the feelings of desperation and frustration they feel when faced with inconsolable crying. Unfortunately, parents aren’t often routinely offered this information.

      This post contains a link to a post (It’s Okay to Let Your Baby Cry) by a mom who had a colicky baby who didn’t respond to any method of soothing, and she offers some excellent ideas for self care and soothing. I’d say the priorities are for parents to educate and care for themselves as much as for their babies, and to take breaks as often as possible- either spelling each other if there are two parents in a family, and/or reaching out to friends, family, or community agencies for support. If no other support is nearby or available, I’d recommend online resources and communities. Parenting a colicky baby in isolation is a recipe for disaster.

      Friends and family are often eager to visit and bring gifts when a new baby is born. I always advise that the best gifts to offer new parents are listening, and reassurance they are doing a wonderful job. I also encourage friends and family to offer support in the form of holding or staying with the baby so parents can take a break (or a shower!), making or delivering dinner, folding laundry, etc. Make a cup of tea, take an older sibling to the playground- anything that gives new parents a break, and/or nurtures them while they are getting to know their new baby.

  11. Oh, that video is painful to watch. I heard about “Happiest Baby on the Block”, but even as a new mom I picked up on what you wrote about, that babies aren’t machines, and I didn’t bother reading it (even though my son was quite the crier! If I had read it, I’m sure I would have tried it!).

    Reading your post doesn’t so much change my opinion of the 5S’s, but it highlights to me something I realize more and more — that our society does not see or value babies as whole, complete humans worthy of respect. That overarching sentiment is much more troubling that this individual video and the accompanying book, because I think it’s what truly causes stress for parents. When parents come to a place where they realize they are building a relationship with another human being rather than trying to control something that is ultimately uncontrollable, they can step away from the “techniques” and truly see emotions and needs.

      1. I’m sorry Lisa, but how can she really understand if she never read or tried the techniques. It’s like condemning a book, movie, or person that you have never met! That is not understanding to me. What I see is that you both agree that the way Karp handled the baby upset you both. That’s what I understand. As far as whether the techniques work or not, that is for the people and mothers who actually try them to assess on an individual basis. I expect that families, with their own babies, will make much more contact and not follow exactly his particular style. Why would you assume that parents would? Your review and comments seem disrespectful of Dr Karp himself and his methods. Why not just agree to disagree and let the parents decide?

        1. Hi Corrine,

          In response to your comment, my blog is all about offering parents and other adults a respectful, gentle, responsive way to interact and care for babies and toddlers. Dr. Karp’s methods are less than respectful in my opinion, and are potentially harmful. All I’m doing is comparing and contrasting Karp’s approach with another, more gentle approach, and offering people another viewpoint, based on my own education and experience and corroborated by other professionals, and research. The information I’m offering is not as widely available or as well known as Dr. Karp’s methods, possibly because there is no huge marketing machine behind what I’m offering, so I think I may be doing a service to those who might not have known or considered another way to be with their babies. There is nothing wrong or disrespectful about my review, and everyone is still free to make up their own mind, and choose to care for their babies in the way they see fit. In terms of my response to Suchada, I feel she understands the overall message I’m trying to convey in each post- it’s not about learning or applying a “technique” or “getting” a baby to stop crying (or do anything), it’s about building a relationship with another person.

  12. oooh Lisa! You’re brave (: We got Harvey Karp’s dvd from a friend. I was prejudiced against it but watched with an open mind. My husband and I wound up laughing really hard at one point because it seemed like a SPOOF! He looked so demonic as he was shaking and shushing the babies. To me they seemed to be saying, “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I’ll do whatever you want, just stop doing that to me!!!!!” Well, lo and behold at three weeks old and lasting until about 9 weeks old our baby started to cry at full tilt for 3 to 4 hours a night. Every night as 6:00 approached my husband and I would buckle down and get ready. And honestly we did different things and we did sometimes try his ideas (we felt so desperate.) Some nights I sat and held her and listened and told her I was listening and doing my best to understand what she needed. Some nights I walked the floor with her. Some nights my husband got in the bathroom on the bouncy ball with the fan and the hairdryer going. Sometimes we would put her down on her own and she would stop crying and kick her feet and smile, other times the crying would intensify. Often skin to skin contact worked wonders. And sometimes we swaddled her. I’ve heard that swaddling isn’t bad for the hips if an infant still has room to flex their hips and legs. And it does make sense to me that after nine months in such a tight space where every movement gets pressure feedback swaddling could be comforting whereas flailing in the air without any feedback could feel like falling through a huge abyss. By the same token my daughter seemed to prefer to lie in a basket and when she got bigger and in her playpen rather than in an open space. I think she felt a sense of containment. Sometimes the swaddling seemed to comfort her and sometimes not. For me the hardest part wasn’t the crying, but it was wondering if crying was the need or whether it was a communication of an unmet need, like “I’m in pain, please help me.” Sometimes it seemed like the crying was a release and at those times I felt fine just sitting with her and letting her know that I was with her and heard her. Other times it seemed as though she was getting increasingly worked up and perhaps needed an intervention (say gentle rocking) to help her nervous system settle. In the end it did seem that she was in some pain (she had pretty intense reflux) and what seemed to really settle things was cranio-sacral treatments, osteopathy and homeopathy. Who knows though she could have just settled anyhow. Long-winded I know – but boy, it’s an intense period of parenting initiation.

    Thanks for the post. I think it’s a subject that needs discussion because it seems to be gaining increasing acceptance without critical thought about it.

    1. Elanne,

      Thank you so much for your comment, and for sharing your experience! I think hearing from other parents who have been there and come through to the other side can be so comforting and helpful to those who are experiencing similar concerns. What a beautiful, beautiful example of how you and your husband “grew into” your relationship with your daughter, through listening to her and yourselves.

      I agree that this is an issue that needs more discussion. In terms of wondering if the things you tried helped your baby, or if she would have settled down on her own in the end, I think that when you listen and respond sensitively, your baby gets the message that she is cared about, and can trust you to be there and try to help, so you are building trust, and that is what is most important.

      That being said, it might interest you to know that in terms of the available research, one study found the following: “Researchers compared infants and parents in three communities with substantially different parenting approaches.The first group of parents practiced a “proximal” form of care: they held their babies more (15 to 16 hours/day), breastfed more often and slept with their infants throughout the night. A second group of parents, in London,U.K. adopted a more “structured” approach:they spent much less time holding and carrying their babies,let their babies cry more often, and switched to bottle-feeding earlier. A third group, in Copenhagen had an “intermediate” method: they held their babies less than the proximal care parents but more than the second group of parents,were more responsive to their babies than the second group of parents, and co-slept with their babies less than proximal care parents and only during part of the night.The biggest finding was that the amount and intensity of unsoothable bouts of crying at 5 weeks of age, when colic usually peaks,were the SAME in all groups.Both babies who received proximal care and those who received intermediate care fussed and cried less overall in the first 12 weeks of life.”

  13. Well I think this is unbelievable. Just because you think its disrespectful to a baby doesn’t mean everyone does. Its easy for people to say that the parents are being selfish when they themselves are not in the situation. Even if you have “been there”, im sure it wasn’t so easy for you. Or do you even have kids? Regardless, it is rude to assume that parents just want to shut up their baby and that they don’t care. My first baby cried continuously for 4 months and nothing worked. Not even your supreme techniques. Yes, I tried everything. NOTHING worked. Not even the 5 S’s. But that doesn’t mean it will not work for others. How do you know if the baby feels disrespected? Did a baby tell you that himself/herself? It is the parents choice to do what they feel is best without someone shoving their superior opinions on to them.

    1. Jenn,

      You’re entitled to your opinion, and I’m entitled to mine. There’s no need for name calling or rudeness, and whether I have children or not makes not one bit of difference to this discussion. I’ve supported many, many families through colic to the other side. I’m sorry you had such a difficult experience, but if you read carefully, you’ll find I’m not judging or trying to tell anyone what to do. I’m offering information and support for those who might be open to it and benefit from it. As you yourself noted, sometimes a parent can try everything, and still nothing works to calm the baby. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the parent or the baby. And, when babies cry and cry, and nothing works, parents need to know that it doesn’t make them a bad parent. They need to know that there is nothing wrong, and the crying will pass, and they need information and resources for ways to take care of themselves and get through it, and that’s what I aim to offer, as opposed to a one size fits all, magic formula.

  14. Exactly what name did I call you? It is not up to you to decide what will work for others. Wether they are getting used to being rocked to sleep are laying next to the mother, they are still needing something to help fall asleep. Maybe you should choose your words wisely if you don’t want to offend people.

  15. Also, if you’re saying you don’t want people to feel guilty, then why are you saying his techniques are only for the parents? Sometimes new parents do need their baby to stop crying. The mothers hormones are off, they’re exhausted, plus the parents added everyday stresses. You having a child is relevant, if you’ve never had any then you don’t really know what it’s like. All im saying is, don’t put down someone else’s efforts to help parents just because you don’t agree.

    1. Jenn,

      You obviously have a problem with what I’m saying, so I invite you to feel free to look elsewhere for information that feels right for you. I welcome varying opinions and am happy to listen to people’s thoughts and experiences, even if they are different from my own, which is why I approved and replied to your original comment, but your tone is rude and challenging, and I’m not interested in arguing with you. You are reading something into this that just isn’t there. I’m not putting anyone down, and I’m not judging parents for doing the best they can to care for their babies in challenging circumstances. Doctor Karp is making thousands and thousands of dollars “helping” parents, so I doubt it matters to him one bit if I agree or disagree with his approach, but I am not attacking him. I am simply comparing and contrasting his approach with my own, and hopefully offering parents another alternative to the “5 S” method.

  16. For me, this is about the way we define ‘works’. There are a lot of unpleasant or unhealthy things we could do to babies that might work, if our goal is just to stop their crying. (For example, when I used to do commercials, a mom asked me to sneak her baby M n M’s so that she wouldn’t cry when we were on camera. She knew there were other babies waiting in the wings if hers couldn’t compose herself.)

    Most of us want to foster a relationship of trust, empathy and communication with our children, rather than manipulation (no matter how subtle and well -meaning the manipulation is).

    Whatever one’s thoughts are about Karp’s S’s, there’s no question that he’s blatantly manipulating the baby in this video. Can we agree on that? I had the sense he was demonstrating a new appliance, not helping a parent care for her baby.

    Some believe that infants don’t mind or aren’t aware of manipulation until later… but there is more research each day proving that they ARE quite aware….in fact, the way we treat our children in these first months and years matters enormously…matters *most*, and continues to matter for the rest of their lives.

    BTW, here’s a lovely, respectful, step by step approach for helping crying babies that I just saw today. This is very similar to what Magda Gerber advised: http://www.parenting-with-love.com/soothing-your-baby-the-calms-way/

    “…ask the question, “What are you trying to tell me little one”? Take your time, listening respectfully to your baby’s cries and body language and letting yourself feel what may be upsetting him. Sometimes it involves a bit of a guess-work at first, but your baby will become aware that you are listening, and want to know what he is feeling. That alone can calm him. Over time as you get to know each other better, you will find it easier to recognise certain kinds of crying. But at the beginning, even if you find it hard to figure out his needs, by being relaxed and listening to him, the bond between you will become stronger. He will feel more secure with you, and better able to tell you what he needs.”

    1. Janet,

      Thank you! I had read about the CALMS method a while back, and bookmarked this article, but forgot to include it in the resource section. (I just added it.) I had tried to order the book when I first read the article, in order to learn more, but it’s out of print, and the cost for a used one was almost $400.00! It’s interesting to me that the CALMS book isn’t a bestseller…

      1. Hi Lisa, I believe there is a new version of the book out now and it can be obtained from Debby Takikawa who is one of the authors. Here’s a link:

        w.amazon.com/s?_encoding=UTF8&field-author=Debby Takikawa DC&ie=UTF8&search-alias=books&sort=relevancerank

          1. Patricia,

            Thank you SO much. I just ordered a copy of the book, and I can’t wait to read it, and write a review. I’m SO happy that this valuable resource is now again available to parents and professionals.

    2. Janet (may I call you Janet?) I will preface my comment by saying how much I love your blog. I send so many of my friends to it. You brought RIE into my life and your writing is a real inspiration. I just wanted you to know that…

      But here, I think you’re wrong. Karp’s advice is not the same as plying a baby with candy to keep him quiet. Parents are looking for a method to soothe their baby and Karp offers a method. The crying isn’t an obstacle to something else that they want to stop so can achieve some other goal. Crying is seen as the problem. They want to find a way to help their babies feel calm. It’s possible that after being fed and changed, that a baby may need to cry in your arms. But it’s also possible they may benefit by being soothed and comforted using Karp’s method.

      I used it and I think I used it with respect and love. I wasn’t always as respectful as I now wish I had been, but this was not something I look back on with regret.

      First, I’d like to say that not all parents come to Karp’s book with an inconsolable baby. I read it before my son was born and he was a fairly happy and calm baby, much to my surprise. But the book was still useful. Like all babies he cried and couldn’t sleep.

      I think I was listening to him. He was telling me he needed me to help him sleep. Sleeping wasn’t something he necessarily knew how to do when he wanted or needed it. I had to help. Like others have said in the comments, I view sleep as an essential skill. I was teaching my newborn in a loving way how to sleep and how to do when it was most appropriate – at night.

      Swaddling and shushing and rocking him were all a part of that. The shushing was not telling him to be quiet. It was a soothing noise which I think was calming. Like listening to rain or a white noise machine. I don’t know about Karp, but I didn’t shout in his ear. And everything he suggested felt very natural (though doing them together sometimes seemed like overkill).

      I might liken the method to some things I’ve done to help calm myself during panic attacks. I would never think I just needed to continue the attack. Instead, I use certain tools to help me calm down and then I try to assess. But during the attack i just need it to stop and if someone could help it end, I would be grateful. I think many parents view their baby’s crying that way. Something they need to help ease. The calms method says that soothing is important. Well, Karp’s method is a form of soothing. If you know your baby has been fed and it’s time for sleep, I don’t see the problem in helping him calm down enough so he can sleep or at least rest.

      And as for the suggestion that you shouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t what done to yourself, NOTHING in that method seems to be something I would dislike or disrespectful.

      I know others might have done things differently, but I never swaddled except for sleep. (Which in the early days was pretty constant.) Swaddling and the 5 S’s is what I used to help my son calm down and doze off. Otherwise, he didn’t need it. And a baby who is crying isn’t do much exploring of his world either. If you can stop a baby from crying in a loving way, I don’t see what’s wrong with that. Karp may be more clinical in his application, but I’m fairly sure I was fairly loving. (Or at least as loving as a sleep deprived mother can be.)

      Looking back, I really feel we were communicating. He was telling me something was wrong and I knew (after checking his diaper and feeding him) than he needed to sleep. So, while not verbal, the method was a way to tell him “don’t worry, I know something that might help you feel better. You are safe and I will help you feel safe and calm.”

      1. I have 3 kids, with the youngest still an infant. I read the book before I had kids and thought – I will add this to my “bag of tricks” to be the best mom I can be. My first LOVED to be swaddled add the shishing noise – loud enough to drown out the other noise giong on and she would calm down and relax if she was mad. I did not swaddle and shush until I knew she was not hungry, did not need a diaper change and did not need to burp. So, I was listening to my baby and giving her what she needed – help in calming down, because she was very unhappy crying/screaming. Along came baby #2 – he also enjoyed being swaddled and relaxed instantly when he was swaddled and given his pacifier. Outside noise did not bother him, so no shusing needed. Now baby #3 – she hates to be swaddled, but loves to be bounced/jiggled and the left side laying down really helps her tummy and therefore her be happier and relax more.

        If I had not read this book, I would not have thought of these 5 things as good soothing techniques and probably would not have figured out which combination helped each of my children feel more relaxed and comfortable.

        I recommend this book or buy it for my friends who are having a baby. I explain how I have used his techinques with each of my kids and suggest they take what they want from it, but to know there are things to try when all you want to do is help calm and soothe your baby, is very reassuring. Parents want to make their babies happy – who wants to see a baby in pain? Listen to them scream and not be able to soothe/calm them or not try? Not me! I know babies cry and I think I understand the difference in their cries – hunger, tired, uncomfortable, etc. I want to “fix it”, help them solve their problems and that is my job, I am the MOM! I am confused when I read that the 5 S’s demean babies or don’t take their needs into consideration. They need to be comforted, soothed, loved, cared for – by their parents. Nothing “works” for every baby all the time, but having ideas to try, ways to work with your baby to help them through the rough parts in their day is a parent’s job and Dr. Karp provides that – as do others. It is my job to learn lots, talk to my doctor, read books, listen to my kids and work hard to be a great parent!

  17. Can you say “child abuse”? Sorry, but if that lunatic did that to one of my babies, I would go WWF on him — put him in a strangle hold, and when he resisted and cried, I’d give him the old ‘shhhhhhhhh!’.

    What is he thinking? And that mom sitting there — smiling! Sure, the baby is silent and wide-eyed. A bullhorn would have the same effect, no? Or a hair dryer?

    Dr. Karp couldn’t possibly have kids? Please don’t tell me he has kids.

    1. Oh Mike, thank you for inserting some levity into this conversation. I don’t know if Doctor Karp has kids or not, but I’m proof that you don’t have to have them to be sensitive to them. I feel the same way you do- if he laid a hand on a child I cared for, he’d be in big trouble. Do you know what though? I don’t blame that mom- Karp is a famous pediatrician who has written books, and made videos and gotten celebrity endorsements, so he must be trustworthy and know what he’s doing, right? I think the problem is we live in a quick fix society, and one which puts enormous pressure on parents to get it right without giving them much useful information or support for building healthy relationships with their babies. Lucky there are a few of us out there challenging the norm!

      1. Um…this wasn’t levity. Mike rarely comments on blogs, but he was shocked and appalled when he saw the video of Dr. Karp.

        I agree so much with your comment about the “quick fix society”. What I notice is parents believing that if they don’t “make it happen” for children, it will never happen, or at least not quickly enough. Once this dynamic begins it has a tendency to continue. I see this with physical development (i.e., forced tummy time), academic skills (Your Baby Can Read), social and emotional development (stop crying NOW, share, say “you’re sorry”, etc.). There are plenty of experts ready to take our money to show us how to do these things! But the most important messages we can give our children are respect, acceptance and trust…and those are lost when we control and manipulate.

        1. Dear Janet (and Mike),

          Janet, thank you so much for clarifying, and Mike, thank you so very much for commenting. I didn’t mean to offend you or in any way dismiss your feelings and response to this video, but your comment did make me smile, because your response was so direct and visceral. You said exactly what I think and feel each and every time I watch or think about this video, and I appreciate and admire you for not mincing words. I felt like standing up and cheering when I read your response, because it was like: “Yes! He gets it.” And I wish everyone could understand it like you do. I spent many weeks researching and thinking about how to write this post so that people might be able to “hear” and consider the message I’m trying to get across (without making anyone feel judged or guilty if they used the 5 S’s), and then I spent 15 hours actually writing it. For the past 48 hours, I’ve barely looked away from this computer screen as I’ve tried to read and respond to everyone who has commented, so I’m a bit bleary eyed. I’m glad the conversation is happening, because it’s desperately needed and overdue. I so wish we lived in a world where this conversation wasn’t necessary, and people didn’t try to fool themselves into believing that what Karp is advocating is in any way comforting or soothing to a baby, and I’m so glad to be a small voice for babies who have no voice (other than a cry), and so, so honored to know you and Janet and to be on this path with both of you.

          1. Lisa, Mike and I feel exactly the same way about you! And no worries, Mike took no offense… I just wanted to make it clear that he was LIVID, as was I the couple of times I tried to stomach watching this video.

            I can imagine you’ve been busy, Lisa! I laud you for your courage and all the time you’ve put into this. This is by far the most courageous post I’ve read in a long time. Thank you again, dear friend, for standing up for babies.

    2. Good grief man, you cant be serious. There is not one thing wrong with Karp and his techniques. Im also offended by your tough guy comments that are dripping with good ole’ internet courage. I use Karps techniques religiously and i would like to think I’m not “abusing” my little girl.

      1. Actually, Gabe, There is A LOT wrong with Karp’s “techniques”, beginning with the fact that they are just that- techniques. No technique takes into account the fact that babies are actual, unique, individuals- little people, sentient beings, from day one. I’d never advise a parent to use or apply a technique like Karp’s to calm and soothe their baby. And I’m not making tough guy comments dripping with good ol’ internet courage, (nor is Michael Lansbury).

  18. See, I read about these techniques but something stopped me doing them – they just did not come naturally to me, did not feel comfortable employing them. I’m a strong believer in listening to my heart and doing things that come to me instinctively. I bounced with and rocked, offered the breast or just held my baby – I still do some of these 18 months on. I have had to learn a lot from my baby. He has a lot to learn too and my job is to ease him into this life gently, respectfully and with love. Thank you for sharing and for wording thoughts I’ve had but have not known how to express so as to explain them as well as you have. It’s good to know I’m not alone in my instinctive ‘methods’!

  19. Oh and shushing a baby is just plain rude in my opinion. It’s akin to shushing a grown person just about to open their mouth to talk – maybe asking for a drink or for comfort. That video annoys me. That baby looks perplexed, not settled.

  20. Hmmm. I am curious if the reviewer only saw this clip or if she saw the whole DVD. That would be more fair. The DVD was wonderful. I do hope the reviewer realized he tells parents to do things things AFTER they’ve determined their child is not hungry, wet, whatever. That clip is not the best, no. However, there are much better ones; and I believe that a parent is going to be more in tune than the pediatrician when applying these to their own children. I don’t think most peopel do this to ‘make a child sleep’ but to help the child reach a relaxed state.

    My son was a relaxed baby. He’d nurse to sleep and Icould take him anywhere. He’d always fall asleep in the carseat. My daughter (5mos now) is completely opposite. Eating was very difficult for her (oversupply, forceful letdown, now we know she also has GER and milk protein allergy). Needless to say nursing did not calm her. She also hated rocking. I tried to soothe, babywear, everything I could but her cries persisted. My poor 2.5 yo son became angry at her long bouts of crying. He even told me he wished she could go back in my belly! I was spending up to an hour just to help her go down for a nap! Karp’s suggestions were very helpful. My daughter was so much happier waking up after a nap. She goes down to sleep every two hours now (her own rhythms, not my making up); before she would be up, frantic, unnerved for sometiems 4 to 6 hours. I am a AP/gentle parenting follower but none of those “tricks” really worked for me. I do think I tried really hard to listen to her needs. I think this tool (Karp’s 5s’s) helped me to meet them. I think a lot more parents use this as a tool than a magic wand to “make” babies sleep.

    Also, He does give suggestions on how to wean off these s’s as they age. Just wanted to share another perspective.

  21. Lisa,
    You make me think, and I really appreciate it! A friend gave us a copy of the 5 S’s DVD before our first child was born. (At the time I was in residency, and was gaining experience caring for newborns and babies medically.) My husband and I watched and memorized. I remember telling my husband before our first was born, “I think I will be able to calm our baby well, because I seem to do ok with this in the office.” Ha. And then, our baby had colic. For 4 months. We tried the 5 S’s (we tried everything to relieve what we believed was our baby’s discomfort.) They didn’t work, even though he makes it seem almost effortless in the video. I felt even more helpless. Why wasn’t this popular method working for us? What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t I calm my own child when I could calm hundreds of babies in the office/newborn nursery?

    What I needed to do was to calm down about the crying and realize it was ok. I didn’t have to shush my baby to be an effective parent. I needed to listen and respond and get to know my baby. I was not failing as a parent because my child had colic.

    I do think there is still a place for the 5 S’s (especially for parents desperate to relieve the crying as it can really cause parental tension). However, I agree with you – I don’t like the way they are presented as a “cure all,” leaving parents to feel even more helpless when they don’t work. I wish there was a disclaimer provided, like, “Don’t worry if this doesn’t work for your baby as well as it does here. Babies cry and it’s ok.” I agree, the financial incentives of books and DVDs keep this disclaimer from appearing.

    I think we can still look at the 5 S’s as a tool, but I don’t believe they should be an automatic response.

    P.S. I love the advice, “don’t do things to your baby, do them with your baby.” I am going to employ this in my practice and with my own babies.

  22. I read the book too and administered all five of them. And like yourself, I was not a big fan.

    I take that back—I was a fan when it worked immediately. Rocking absolutely quieted my baby. But like you said, he grew to *need* rocking. No longer did he have an opportunity to learn how to self-sooth by sucking his own thumb, rocking his head side to side. I took away the opportunity for him to learn to do it himself.

    If I ever have a second kid, I promised myself that I wouldn’t employ the 5 S’s, *especially* rocking. I’ll swaddle my baby, but not too tight, so that the blanket serves to keep him warm, not to keep his arms down.

    I look at pictures of my baby swaddled tightly, trying to sleep in a moving swing because he had grown so used to motion, and I cringe thinking about what I put him through.

    More importantly, I had to eventually wean him off of each one of the 5 S’s. I would rather just do it correctly to begin with than to give me more weaning problems down the line.

    I actually wrote about my experience with the 5 S’s on my blog here: http://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/2010/04/13/curse-you-five-ss/

  23. I think it is important that we look at each situation and family differently. While I’ll agree with you that the video is atrocious, some of these techniques were a life saver with my second daughter. I try very hard to parent with mutual respect and love, but sometimes, especially in those first days, I needed to be given some of those things as well. And my daughter enjoyed those techniques, found them calming, particularly the ‘shhh’ sounds and the position you hold her in. I never felt like it was ‘manipulating’ her or just trying to shut her up, I felt like it was genuinely what she needed at the time to feel secure. Although, to be totally honest, at some point, I would have been fine with her just being quiet. I think this article fails to take into account the sometimes enormous emotions of a new mother. I kind of hate to admit it, but the first few months of my second daughter’s life were some of the hardest of my life. She had colic and didn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, sandwiched between an hour and a half of screaming. I had a 14 month old baby to take care of as well. On whacked out hormones and no sleep. At some point, the baby needed to calm down so mama had a minute to think before I took off for Mexico! I am not all about the quick fix, and I defintiely believe in hearing and trying to understand your baby, but some days, you have to do what you have to do. I think every situation is a little different. If it wasn’t for shh-ing and swaying, I might have lost my mind. Maybe there was a better way to go about it, but my baby was happier and calmer when we did that and she turned into a happy and very loved little girl, now turning 2. I appreciate that you give a different perspective, that is just mine.

    1. Emily,

      Thank you for sharing your experience. I hear and understand what you are saying, and I have real compassion and understanding for the exhaustion and stress you must have been feeling caring for a young toddler and a new baby with colic. My intention is not to judge anyone or induce guilt. I understand that parents often use the 5 S’s in a much more gentle way than Doctor Karp demonstrates in this video- in fact, I’ve watched several videos on You Tube of parents implementing the 5 S’s with their babies, and in general, the parents seemed to be a little more in tune and gentle with their babies. What I want to respond to is this: “Maybe there was a better way to go about it…” I think maybe there is a better way, for babies and their parents, and that’s why I wrote this piece. I wonder if it would make a difference if all new parents received the information about the Period of Purple Crying and colic, and the CALMS approach to crying? I wonder if it would make a difference if all new parents had some postpartum support, and were educated about ways to care for themselves and get relief in the face of seemingly endless, inconsolable crying? I think we need to offer parents better information and support than is usually available or offered. My question is, are there ways to care for both parents’ needs and wants, as well as babies’ needs without resorting to extreme measures such as Dr. Karp demonstrated in this video? Because I do see them as extreme. Not so long ago, doctors performed surgery on babies without anesthesia, because they believed babies didn’t experience pain in the same way we do. Today we know that this is just not true. Babies are conscious and aware from birth, and while it may be possible to shut them down and essentially shock them into silence, I don’t believe this is what any loving parent would choose to do if s/he wasn’t desperate and felt s/he had another choice.

  24. My first born child was full term and I was completely oblivious to the challenges that having a premature baby brings. My second child was born at 31 weeks. I will tell you this – when a baby is born so early, you cannot let the baby “self-soothe” as crying takes up so much energy for the little baby and they simply cannot grow when they are burning so many calories crying. You also see that the child is very distressed when limbs are flailing and bringing them into a swaddled position brings immediate comfort – you see this in their heart rate, breathing rate, and oxygen saturation. Same with allowing them to suck on a pacifier. I know preemies are different from term babies, but the elements are the same and I tend to agree that it takes some time to grow out of the comforts of the womb. I do not have a problem with letting this process be a gradual one than an abrupt welcome into a whole new world outside of the womb.

    1. Hi Rita,

      I don’t know if you are familiar with Hilldae Al’s research. Ellen Galinsky recounts some of her research findings from her work with premature babies in her book Mind In the Making. “Dr. Als is internationally recognized for her formulation of and research on relationship-based developmental care in neonatal intensive care units. Her work has had a profound impact on infant development, family engagement, and systems of care.”

      Als’s work sheds new light on how caregiving environments influence very early brain development and how infant behavior can help guide medical care to improve outcomes. It has influenced how neonatal care units are physically constructed and staffed, created new models for how families and healthcare providers can partner at every stage of the infant’s care, and brought reflective practice to neonatal developmental care. Als at Children’s Hospital in Boston has developed a method of treating preemies, the Newborn Individualized Developmental Care and Assessment Program, or NIDCAP. It involves simple things to make the unit more womblike, such as dimming overhead lights, darkening incubators with thick blankets, using vibrating rather than ringing telephones to reduce noise, and “nesting” the baby within a cozy bunting. It also focuses on something called “kangaroo” care, in which the mother or father is encouraged to hold the baby, skin to skin, while she or he lies very still. This is all intended to nurture the brain’s developing communication system without inundating it with more stimulation than it can handle.”

      Premature babies thrive and are able to be active participants in their own care when treated this way as opposed to receiving the usual standard of care. Yes, premature babies need extra support, and recreating womb like conditions seems to help- but the womb like conditions recommended are dark, quiet (no loud shooshing in baby’s ear), still (no swinging or jiggling), and gentle (skin to skin touch, and/or wrapping in soft clothes that allow for movement as opposed to tight swaddling).

  25. I read the book and really liked it. I only used a couple of the techniques that fit with my son, but they really helped when he was little and I do not feel like his is “oppressed” at all. He used a binky for awhile, but was not dependent on one. The Shushing is not as harsh as you make it out to be, it is more of a calming white noise rather then a “shush, be quiet” noise and I still use it when I’m comforting my son now at 6yrs old and he knows he can talk to me about anything and cry when he needs to. My son hated a swing but found comfort in a vibrating chair and it was the only way he would nap. He was never a good napper. And our favorite was the swaddle. He loved to be swaddled. He is high sensitivity and the startle would wake him up at night all.the.time. It wasn’t until someone recommended the miracle blanket that he was able to sleep well. If you hate swaddling you will see this blanket as a torture device, but I can share pictures of my son waking in the a.m. with a huge smile on his face after a good nights sleep in his swaddle. So while it may not be for you, I really don’t think it’s harmful.

    1. I want to add that I did not watch the video till after I commented and Dr. Karp does do the shushing and bouncing a lot stronger then I ever did, which might be where the issue is stemming from. I was very gentle with my son in most instances except that he liked to lay against me and have his back patted with a heavy hand. Not hitting by any means, but not a gentle little tap tap tap either.

  26. Hi Lisa,
    This video almost made me cry. I feel so bad for that poor baby, being manipulated like an object, and not being able to voice his feelings about it. I’m thinking that if someone would do it to an old lady with alzheimer it would be shocking, it would be called abuse, but people can do it to their innocent babies. Terrible!

  27. This is a good discussion. Again, it is what works for one does not always work for another. I think different approaches are a good thing. The idea here is to do what is best for baby and keeping a mom from getting totally worn out from a crying infant is a good thing…this helps to prevent ‘shaken baby’ in some tragic cases.
    Dr. Karp has had much success with his methods and his book is well worth reading. Magda Gerber is so genuinely in love with what she does and is well worth reading as well. I am not familiar with CALM but look forward to reading about it. Given all this information I am sure Moms will make the right choices for themselves and their infants.

  28. I don’t see anything wrong with the way Dr. Karp soothes or calms the baby. He is talking very clinically and factually similar to the way our doctor talks to my wife and I during checkups. But I think the baby perceives it as getting alot of attention and in turn is being loved. The physical interaction between the doctor and baby can also be interrupted by the baby as love; the baby stops crying and seems to be at ease. The problem can be where we as parents and adults see a techique as inhumane, unloving and uncaring. As an infant, I know I got immunization shots. My parents loved me all the way to the doctor’s office, but they still let the doctor inflict pain. Many people might say that getting shots are inhumane, but my parents did not. On being manipulative, any form of correction or changing of habits from a toddler to childhood could be seen as manipulation. I do appreciate this forum and the things that have been to communicated. We all have opinions. I think we should find out what works for you and your baby. If you are uncomfortable with the 5’S, don’t do it. If it makes sense to you and you feel good about it, then try it.

    1. Thanks for your comment, but my problem is not with the way Doctor Karp is talking to the mother of the baby, it is with the way he is treating the baby. Do you think the baby in the video appears to be comforted? Most likely, the baby has shut down due to over stimulation, and shock. And I wonder how the baby is getting any attention or experiencing a feeling of love? No one is holding the baby close, looking into the baby’s eyes, or talking to, or with the baby.The baby’s expression (crying) is being turned off, and her needs (hunger) are being ignored in the interest of allowing Dr. Karp to continue his demonstration. A new baby learns about his world through the interactions with the adults in his world. This does not appear to me to be a gentle, loving way for any adult to interact with a baby. As for a baby receiving shots, this can and should be done in a humane way, as well. Pain and trauma can be lessened if the baby is told what is going to happen, and is held in arms as shots are given.The information in this post isn’t based solely on opinion, but also on experience and research. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and everyone is entitled to parent in the way they see fit, but if you ask me, we as a society, need a paradigm shift in the way we see and approach the care of babies.

      1. I appreciate advocates for better baby care, but proper care and love given to babies is subjective from person to person and even culture to culture. My perception of the baby in the video is that somehow he or she is satisfied and at ease. Overstimulated? I don’t believe that this baby has simply given up. I think this baby could probably cry for hours as many parents suggest, from the video and other parents I’ve heard from. After watching the full video, I thought it was clear that these kinds of crying, and the 5’S applied, was after the baby was feed and diaper changed. Babies can be particular; a slight angle of holding this way or that way can make the difference from sad to happy.

  29. I am glad I didn’t try this 3 years ago but I know I tried other things for instance to achieve naps (like motion induced sleep) but just because they worked in the moment doesn’t mean I would do them again now that I have learned more about babies. My son didn’t like swaddling so right there if I had wanted to practice this technique I would have been imposing something on him just for getting me more sleep or the pacifier, he had no interest in it either (and I am glad), if I had been the mom of that baby it would have been a very helpless place to be, as a new mom trying my best to help and then here I am allowing this stranger to handle my baby in such a way and on top of it not letting me feed her!

    One of the things that stuck from Dr. Sears was “be aware of sleep trainers” or any trainers I would say, just when I hear the word training or tricks applied to children makes me want to steer away.

  30. Part of the problem, I think already mentioned by Janet is how we define what works. If we want to stop crying the 5 S’s probably work much of the time. But if we want to develop our relationship and communication with our child perhaps, as you suggest Lisa, there are better approaches. I think many people don’t realize how much babies understand right from the beginning of their lives. And so, the way that Dr. Karp “handles” a baby doesn’t seem disrespectful if you don’t think that babies know what you are saying or can’t be directly communicated with. I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t come across Magda Gerber’s books and DVD’s. I am amazed at what my daughter knew right from the beginning of her life. Within days she was doing what she could to help us with diaper changes and getting herself ready when we would tell her we were going to pick her up. Your posting about CALMS made me remember that we used this too. A friend bought the book for me while I was pregnant. It’s excellent (sadly now out of print but you can find it all on the internet.) Again though if you don’t believe that you can have that kind of communication with a baby, then the whole process might seem onerous. I found with CALMS (stands for Check in with your own feelings; Allow a breath; Listen to your baby; Mirror your baby’s feelings; Soothe your baby) by the time I got to mirroring my daughter’s feelings she had already settled considerably and then if I moved on to doing something to help soothe her it either helped her to stop crying or not. If not it didn’t matter to me because stopping her crying wasn’t the point. Letting her know that I was there for her was. It has now become so integrated that I forget that I’m using it. It takes only a moment to notice how I’m feeling, take a breath and really hear her and then tell her what I think I’m hearing. I use it in interactions with adults too – especially difficult interactions – and it works wonders!! I really commend you for wanting to help all of us see and understand babies in a new way. It’s so delicate and easy to feel judged as a parent even when that is not another person’s intention. So I also understand many of the reactions on the part of parents.

  31. As I was typing my comment it disappeared so if you get two from me keep this one and delete the other one please.

    I believe that new parents are simply trying to find relief for the baby and themselves and that the “right” technique is the one that works for the baby. I think several different techniques can be used successfully.

    I agree that the baby in the video looked so frightened. The sound he was making in her ear seemed over bearing. However some babies may respond positively to that.

    Again any method that is safe and done with respect, love and patience is the right method for your baby.

    1. I’m sorry you had a problem with commenting! I also believe new parents are doing their best to find relief for both themselves and their crying babies, but I don’t agree that it’s tricks, techniques, and methods that help them to do this. Parents are in the process of building a relationship with their babies. Simple listening and presence goes a long way towards building that relationship and helping the parent to understand and figure out how to best support their babies when they are crying. I can’t imagine ANY baby responding positively to having a loud noise shouted into their ear- babies hear just as well as we do, and the sound Dr. Karp was making in such close proximity to the baby’s ear, along with all the other stimuli, was most likely overwhelming to the baby’s system, causing her to shut down. I don’t think there is anything the least bit respectful or loving about this method of soothing a baby, and as for it being safe, even some of Doctor Karp’s colleagues have questioned the safety and efficacy of his method.

  32. So how does one handle a baby’s absolute need of sleep (it’s a need that ranks right up there with food for humans, after all) for easily startled babies without swaddling or the stomach position? I do not place my baby on her stomach to sleep, but if I had stopped swaddling her before 2 months and continued to leave her on her back she wouldn’t have slept a wink. She had an intensely strong Moro reflex. I did stop swaddling her when she began regularly fighting it and it became clear that her Moro was subsiding to the point where she could usually sleep through her own twitching. Unfortunately ending swaddling has made it very difficult for her to self soothe to sleep in her crib, as she ends up flailing around and waking herself up instead of drifting off to sleep. I never swaddled my baby to stop her crying, but to help her sleep.

    I would have loved for her to have been able to find her thumb, but between the swaddling (which I would be interested to hear of an alternative to) and general newborn jerky movements I think it would have easily been 2 months before she had the coordination and ability to get it to her mouth. How young can babies find their thumbs? Can all newborns find them?

    These are intended as genuine questions. If my baby number 2 also startles easily but yet wants so badly to have his or her arms free like number 1, I’d love to know another way to provide an environment in which he or she can sleep without the 2 of the five S-es I use.

  33. Oh boy. I had this video loading in the background, and when that shooshing noise started I jumped and frantically tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer. I’m 22 and that was scary! My dad tried to get me to do this with my little brother (I was 16), and I (thankfully!) totally misunderstood what he was talking about. I interpreted “swinging” as “rocking, as in a rocking chair” and the shooshing as a gentle, rythmic exhalation, just barely loud enough to hear. It didn’t really work, but I figured that as long as I was there with him and nothing was wrong, it was fine–he was just taking a while to get to sleep. I was also terrible at swaddling and didn’t care enough to learn. I did the the sucking and the laying-on-his-tummy (on my chest while I reclined somewhat, since I was trying to get him to sleep and didn’t want to kill him), but at least that kid got lucky and dodged the scary ones!

  34. In defense of the Happiest Baby – I have to say that it worked for me! I cannot begin to tell you what a gift this was! After “surviving” my first child with colic and reflux, I cried when I watched the Happiest Baby video. I wasn’t sure it would work. Second child came along and had colic. I used the method on him and it brought so much comfort to my entire house, including him. People who haven’t had to deal with difficult babies may not understand the benefit of using this method. Having a baby who cries all of the time is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining on the entire family.

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I so understand and empathize with parents who are trying to understand and cope with a baby who has colic, and I’m not judging anyone who is doing (or has done) their best to be responsive to and soothe their crying baby, I’m just offering an alternative way to see and approach crying. For some, what I’m saying might make sense and work. For others, maybe not so much. I can live with that. 🙂

  35. Lisa (may I call you Lisa?), with all due respect, I find this posting to be over the edge and hysterical. I respect RIE. I’ve found the philosophy very helpful in my parenting. I want to learn more. But here, I just think you’re wrong. And I think you’re exaggerating.

    There are lots of things I did before I found RIE that I wish I had done differently. Applying the technique in this book is NOT one of them. I don’t think it’s disrespectful, but if you do, that’s fine. But painting Karp as some kind of monster is ridiculous.

    Fear mongering over swaddling is not helpful or respectful. I’ve never heard anything about hip problems and swaddling. If you have some legitimate advice, I’d love to hear it. But considering swaddling is rampant amongst my generation, I doubt this is the case.

    I respect your experience and your desire to promote RIE in the world of parenting. Again, I’m interested in embracing RIE. But I don’t appreciate fear being used against parents. I don’t appreciate when AP advocates try to stir up fear to promote their views about sleep training or breastfeeding. I don’t appreciate your using fear to scare parents into not swaddling.

    Just as babies deserve our respect, parents deserve your respect.

    As for sleep sacks – they are are just blankets that don’t fall off. They keep babies warm and are considered safer from a SIDS pov. I hated them and instead used a sweater and slipper socks. It was easier and it meant the babies could happily play in their cribs when they woke up if they chose. (Though not many other parents I know experienced this phenomenon. My son’s desire for independent unfettered time to explore brought me to RIE. AP just didn’t seem to have anything to give us. RIE spoke to my heart.)

    Also, linking an article that has barely any critics and only one who suggests potential real problems is silly. Unless you didn’t expect me to read the link.

    And Karp’s occasional failure to identify whose theories he’s borrowed has ruffled some feathers.

    Chicago pediatrician Dr. Marc Weissbluth says his own popular guide to helping babies sleep better talks about young infants being fetus-like, “which (Karp) doesn’t give any reference to.”

    This is a plagiarism accusation. Not a criticism about the method.


    Noted pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, who said he hasn’t read Karp’s book, said he believed the methods were too simple.

    It’s true the method isn’t universally successful. What method is? I personally know parents who found it didn’t work for one or more of their babies. So what? That only means its claims of success are exaggerated. Those parents can move on to try some other advice. (Much to their disappointment, I’m sure.)

    Dr. Bradley Thatch, a Washington University pediatrics professor and prominent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome researcher, says Karp’s methods could potentially be dangerous.

    Overzealous parents may swaddle too tight and interfere with the infant’s breathing. Or, Thatch said, they might misinterpret Karp’s advice to calm babies by putting them on their sides or stomachs, and instead have them sleep in those positions — which increases the SIDS risk.

    Karp says babies should be moved to their backs for sleeping and his book mentions the SIDS risk — but Thatch says not prominently enough. The paperback version coming out next year will emphasize the risk even more, Karp said.

    I guess someone could swaddle too tightly, but in my experience, most parents find it hard to swaddle very tight. And the velcro style swaddles are stretchy. So it’s nearly impossible to restrict breathing. That was one of the reasons I liked them. They were easy to use safely on very little sleep. But yes, one should be careful. And don’t swaddle near the neck. But it’s not rocket science.

    As for sids… I don’t see how that risk has anything to do with respecting or not respecting babies. It has to do with whether parents are getting the message about SIDS and back sleeping.

    This article is from 2009 and it is 2012. So apparently paper back versions have a stronger message to put babies on their backs for sleeping.

    These do not seem like very strong criticisms. I don’t think these really help your case, unless you expected that I wouldn’t read the article. But I did.

    1. Dee Dee,

      Thanks for your comment, but I disagree that my post is over the edge, hysterical, or fear mongering, although it certainly has aroused some very strong feelings among many readers. I’m not attacking Karp or painting him as a monster, but instead presenting an alternate way for parents (and other adults) to think about and approach their crying babies, and aside from the fact that I do see the 5 S’s as a very disrespectful way to “soothe” a crying baby, I also have some very real concerns about the safety and efficacy of his technique, especially when applied as he himself demonstrates it. I’ve had people comment that they wished they had had the information that I present in this post available to them when they were new parents, so perhaps this post will be of service to new parents searching for helpful ways to respond to their crying babies.

      There will always be someone willing to prey on parents’ vulnerabilities and sell them the newest idea for how to cope with the “problems” babies present, and Karp was given an unheard of one million dollar advance (as a first time author) to write the Happiest Baby On The Block, so sure was the publishing company they that they’d have an instant best seller on their hands. Weissbluth and Brazelton don’t (and Gerber didn’t) write books that sell parents on “techniques” to solve the problem of crying babies, because they recognize that there is not a one size fits all “formula” and babies are conscious, competent, whole human beings who respond to being treated as such. Not only that, but virtually all babies cry, with the peak of crying occurring at the six week mark, and then rapidly declining, no matter how the parents respond. So maybe it’s just possible that babies need to cry, and once we’ve met their needs, there’s nothing left to do but to try to calm ourselves, and offer comforting arms and a listening ear? I’m not selling anything here.

      I’m glad that you read closely, and followed at least one of the links I included in this post, and in my responses to comments. I think you’ll find if you follow and read all of the links I’ve included, you’ll have a much fuller understanding of my point of view. You’re still welcome to your own point of view, even if it differs from mine! I’m asking people to consider the fact that the relationship that they are forming with their baby is of the upmost importance, and listening and observing will lead and guide them to understand how to respond in a sensitive way to meet their baby’s needs, without the need to apply a “technique.”

      Also, to answer your question about the potential dangers of swaddling, here is a link from the International Hip Dysplasia Institute that gives more information: Hip Healthy Swaddling. I want to stress though, that I do not think babies “need” to be swaddled in order to learn to sleep, and in fact, early swaddling may delay a baby’s ability to find their own fingers or hands, which is a wonderful way for them to self calm. But then again, I have known some families who have chosen to swaddle their babies, or offer a pacifier for a short period of time, and this did seem to be helpful to some babies, to support them in calming themselves. When I’m working with families though, I always encourage them to begin by offering the least amount of “help” to begin with, to allow the baby to take as much as an active role as possible. This is in keeping with what I learned from studying and working with Magda Gerber.

      1. Lisa, I just reread this post and noted again how respectfully, gently and compassionately you present your opinions. I understand parents disagreeing or not wanting to hear, but you certainly aren’t fear mongering or attacking Dr. Karp (OR the parents who follow his advice)! The anger directed towards you in some of the responses is truly perplexing to me… Conversely, I admire so much the people who can educate themselves, rethink old ways, grow, move forward. We’re not supposed to be perfect!

  36. Shouldn’t a parent’s first goal to be to meet the child’s need that is creating the cry rather than to just quiet the cry. This is only marginally better than “crying it out” because at least there is a parental response, but when my baby cries, my first thought is “what is my child trying to communicate to me?” not “how do I stop the crying?” If I meet the need my child is communicating to me, the crying also ceases b/c my child has his needs met.

    1. Ange,

      Yes, a baby’s cry is a communication. I always like to acknowledge the cry, and ask the baby what she’s trying to tell me. Sometimes though, especially when a baby is very young, we can do our best to meet the perceived need, and the baby will still cry, and it may be that she just needs to cry, in which case, we can be with the baby and listen, and offer the comfort of our arms or just our presence. “You’re not alone. I’m listening. I will try to help you feel better if I can.”

  37. You didn’t read the book, did you? The DVD is supposed to be an enhancement to the book, for visual aid, not a stand alone. Everything you addressed, which are valid concerns, is in the book. 🙂 He is a big proponent with co-sleeping, with Dr. Sears safety guildlines being followed, wearing your baby, breastfeeding, and nurturing the 4th trimester. He even addresses colic vs baby needing to be held more. He also gives guildlines how to wean off each ‘S’. If you’ve only watched the DVD, you’ve ripped yourself off of valuble information.

  38. I appreciate reading other peoples’ thoughts on these issues. I have to say, Dr. Karp’s Happiest Baby on the Block worked WONDERS for my children. It was not about shutting them up; it was about soothing them. The swaddling especially worked great. I did, however, not feel comfortable swaddling my babies overnight. Beyond that, I modified his hold on the babies. I held them on their sides, against my chest and shhhhh’ed in their ears. It did soothe them. My other comment is that the video claims to soothe babies with colic. My daughter had colic and this method did NOTHING to help her. So again, worked great for soothing, but not for colic. Good luck to all!

    1. Katie,

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I wonder- when you say the method “worked great for soothing,” what does that mean? Does it mean the baby stopped crying? Does it mean the baby relaxed and/or went to sleep?

  39. I’ve just been watching the last video clip on the article again. What a horrible way to treat a newborn baby. They are jiggling the baby like a “thing” that needs to be silenced. If it were me, I would send everyone out of the room for starters. I would want to hold the baby gently, make eye-to-eye contact, and say gently, “My poor baby, I know getting born was hard, but Mommy is here now, and I am listening.” I would then hold the baby very lovingly and listen respectfully to what the baby was trying to tell me.

    Thank you for getting this message out to mothers!

  40. do you have anything evidenced based to counter karp’s techniques? something like “studies have shown…” with links to real world evidence based reulsts? or is all you have the subjectively distasteful appearance of what karp advocates and your beliefs?

    1. If you follow the (many) links I have provided in this post and in my responses to people, you will find evidence based “studies that show…” I particularly recommend looking at Als’ research with premature infants, and the research that is cited on the site The Period of Purple Crying, as well as pediatrician Brazelton’s research (and practice) with infants. Also, RIE practice (Magda Gerber’s philosophy of respectful infant care) was founded in conjunction with a pediatric neurologist and is firmly based on pediatrician Emmi Pikler’s lifelong practice and research with infants and toddlers.

  41. Hi Janet,

    As always, a thought provoking post. I came across it through someone who shared on Facebook and I can see both sides of the issue but had a question for you regarding this:

    “I believe it best to comfort babies with a minimum amount of movement. Rocking, swaying, or walking with a crying baby is often comforting for the adult ”

    I wanted to ask you if you were familiar with the “Swinging Monkey” study. There was a documentary about it called Rock-A-Bye-Baby. This statement strongly contradicts the conclusions of this study which found that sensory deprivation (more than simply touch – specifically, movement) was a primary factor in healthy brain development (and preventing violence). Being rocked to be soothed appears to be a primary need and I don’t necessarily see it as “for the adult.”

    Rock A Bye Baby is the documentary about the study. I have met with Dr. James Preston, who has a particular interest in this subject (developmental psychology and violence), and the research he shared with me was quite undeniable. here is just one link: http://ttfuture.org/bonding/dvd_archive/breakthrough_study

    I was just curious if you were familiar with this research and how this would reconcile with Magda’s theory in this regard.

    🙂
    Lori

    1. Hi Lori,

      I’m Lisa, but I’m always so flattered when people confuse me with Janet! Thanks for the link. I’ll check it out. I’m not familiar with this particular research. In terms of how it fits with Magda Gerber’s philosophy, it doesn’t seem to be compatible, which certainly doesn’t mean it’s without merit. Magda certainly believed babies needed lots of touch and holding, but she also believed in allowing babies free unrestricted movement, and she didn’t think babies particularly needed or benefited from swinging, rocking, or constant carrying. Magda encouraged adults to try to be still when holding babies(as opposed to rocking, especially when feeding), so as not to override or interfere with their own internal rhythms. She strongly believed babies come to “need” what we teach them to need. It will be interesting to learn more about the swinging monkey study.

  42. Just saw Lisa’s post way above about preemies. Treated with respect and kept skin-to-skin with their mothers, they thrive. They don’t need to be hissed at, given pacifiers, jiggled, etc. a la Karp! When babies are skin-to-skin with their mothers, they don’t cry (try to survive), they thrive. Here is a link to how Dr Nils Bergman says they should be treated:

    http://home.mweb.co.za/to/torngren/eng-berg.html

  43. Lori, May I put in my two cent’s worth re your post above about babies and movement? I certainly believe that babies need to be rocked, hugged, cuddled and touched in so many ways for optimal development. The brain is a psycho-social organ and grows as we interact physically and emotionally with babies, with touch and movement being vital.

    But I think when babies are crying, it is not helpful to rock or jiggle them in order to make them be quiet. At such a time they need us to hold them gently, make eye contact with them, speak softly and tell them we are listening to what they are trying to tell us through their cries. (Of course this comes after making sure there are no unmet needs in the present).

    Much of parenting should be fun, playful and physical, but at times when babies are trying to discharge hurts or tension through crying, they can do it best if we remain as still as we can, because they can’t get those feelings out if they are being jiggled, strongly rocked, etc., because it distracts them and puts them into overload (which is what is clearly seen on Harvey Karps video).

    I have an article about this on my site (and there is a link to it on this site already) but in case you haven’t seen it, may I post it again? It’s about a soothing method developed by Carry Contie and Debbie Takikawa, and it’s called CALMS:

    http://www.parenting-with-love.com/soothing-your-baby-the-calms-way/

    So if I can summarise, my understanding is that movement and rocking are for the many hours mothers play with their babies, and stillness and calming, with perhaps very gentle rocking are for the times that babies are hurting and crying and need to be soothed.

    Hope this helps!

  44. Hello Lisa, I am also a little confused between the two of you. I would very much like to be facebook friends with both of you, but with over 900 facebook friends, finding one is not always easy. If I am not linked to both of you, I certainly would like to be!

    Back to the Kangaroo Mother Care issue if I may — babies who are placed skin-to-skin with their mothers at birth, and kept there, have very little “in the present” to cry about, since early hunger cues are restlessness and rooting for the nipple, so the need to nurse is met promtply. Crying is a “late indicator” of hunger.

    Here is something about Kangaroo Mother Care that I have up which shows that babies stop crying and start to thrive when placed skin-to-skin with the mother.

    http://www.parenting-with-love.com/kangaroo-mother-care-the-magic-of-a-mothers-touch/

    Babies who are kept in their mother’s arms do not have to cry when they are hungry! I was outraged when Harvey Karp, holding the baby in whose ears he was hissing, asked the mother if the baby might be hungry. She said yes, but instead of handing the baby to the mother to nurse, he put a dummy (pacifier) into the baby’s mouth instead.

    Thank you to this site for putting up a warning about Harvey Karp. I am finding so many parenting who are doing Attachment Parenting, are using his methods. But AP is about “meeting babies needs”, and tight swadling, jiggling, hissing, and putting pacifiers into the mouths of hungry babies does not meet “any” of the baby’s needs…

    Thanks for this great discussion!

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