Sibling Conflicts

June 3, 2012 · 9 comments

in Daily Life, Relationship

It is an absolute honor to have been invited by my friend and colleague Gina, The Twin Coach, to contribute some thoughts about ways adults might support siblings to build and strengthen their relationship, even when they are in conflict with each other.

A kiss and a tug

In the post, I suggest that sibling struggles and conflicts are normal and healthy and actually have the potential to bring children closer together, depending on how adults respond.

Begin by trying to envision yourself as a coach, as opposed to a referee. You want to trust the children and support them to find a way to work out and solve their own differences as much as possible, while you hold the space for them to do so by stepping in when needed to ensure their emotional and physical safety.

Head on over to Gina’s blog to  read more about how to be on the side of  both children and their developing relationship, as opposed to taking one side or the other, or solving disagreements for them when they struggle.

And just for your smile….

Olivia’s Rules Of Life  -Truths about little brothers (and sisters)!

#49. Little brothers always want the same thing you want.

#27. One good thing about little brothers: sometimes they get how funny you are.

#147. Most of the time, little brothers ask silly questions, and sometimes they ask really good ones.



#52. If your mom is having a baby and she asks you whether you want a brother or a sister, that does not mean you’re really gonna get the kind you ask for.

#14. If you wake your baby brother up from a nap, sometimes he’ll get upset, and sometimes your mother will too.

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Sleeping Mom @ Sleeping Should Be Easy June 3, 2012

I love the idea of being a coach instead of a referee. I only have one kid, but when he’s in social conflict with other kids at the park or play dates, I try to let them “go at it” instead of stepping in all the time to solve their problems for them. I like when they can learn how to deal with conflict themselves as opposed to having adults step in all the time and denying them the opportunity to figure things out.

Great Olivia list, too 😉

Caryn June 10, 2012

I love the idea of being the “coach,” and think it is a great way to describe what I try to do with my children when I am feeling patient, kind and am well-rested. Now that I have the word “coach” in mind, maybe I”ll be able to feel that way more often! We have three children — 9, 7 & 7. They mostly get along well — they genuinely enjoy each other’s company and support and help each (they get along way better than I remember my sister and I getting along…) — but sometimes I want SO badly to send them each to their own corner and tell them they cannot say anything until they can say something kind (sound familiar? I heard that all the time when I was growing up!)

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